Modern Dog: Meeting My Match

Ginger was my first dog. She made a good impression right away. Running up to the window and then cuddling while I talked to the adoption counselor, she knew how to work the Humane Society system.

That is not what happened with Papaya. Pops panted and peed on the floor; she had trouble with naps.

Now, four years later, I could not imagine life without her. (And I don't have to, since she's left many stains on the floor.)

You can read Meeting My Match to find out how Pops won me over.

Bride Rush: A simplified checklist

In November, Bride Rush published my article, A Simplified Checklist, about how to plan a quick wedding.

(And no, I was not planning a quick wedding. I first worked with Anita Malik, the Bride Rush founder, when she was the publisher of East West magazine.)

I had fun interviewing wedding planners Nancy Liu Chin (who's a sorority sister from Cal!), Darlene Wilson, and Lisa Stoner. They have such a wealth of knowledge and experience, the article practically wrote itself.

Lisa also blogged about the article in her post, Wedding Planning — It's All About Heart.

Nanu, Darlene, and Lisa, thanks for all of the great tips!

The Office Grind

If you're interested in a he-said-she-said take on workplace dating, check out The Office Grind. The column originally appeared in print in the fall issue of Audrey.

Here's what the editor says:

"Is workplace “commingling” a good idea? Guest columnist Naomi Fujimoto says all’s fair in love and work, but Paul Nakayama wouldn’t touch that with a 10-foot laser pointer."

You decide.

Press Pause Moments anthology

I just got my copy of Press Pause Moments, a collection of essays about life transitions.

The timing couldn’t have been better. Fall is always a season of change, and I’ve been thinking about what things I’d like to change (or not) as my 40th birthday approaches. (More on that another time.)

One of my essays appears in this book, and so does one from Michelle Mach.

Michelle and I live somewhat parallel lives blogging, designing jewelry, and freelance writing. In a “small world” moment, we got a chance to meet at the Bead and Button Show this summer and thought it would be fun to cross-blog about the book.

The first words of her essay:

“Good-bye! Good riddance! Good luck! Good grief!”

Yes, that crazy mashup of feelings when you make a big change is totally relatable. Michelle not only made a big career change, she had the insight to write about it. Reading her story reminded me of academia — that feeling of being both at home and not at home.

So get a copy of the book and check out “Confessions of a Former Good Girl.”

You can also find out more about Michelle on her website or her blog, Beads & Books.

The summer issue of Audrey

So I just got a PDF of my Steve Byrne piece that appeared in the summer issue of Audrey. And I have no way of posting it here. (Scans are okay, but they really don't compare to PDFs.)

But I will post it soon: on my new website. My goal is for the site to go live by the end of summer. I hope you'll all come visit me there!

In other news, I’m working on my part of a “he said/she said” column for the fall issue. It has been a blast to write the column — if only because I got to revisit the relationship in my mind. I know — I do plenty of that anyway!

Steve Byrne in Audrey magazine

A bit of publishing news: My web extra, Byrne, Baby, Byrne, is now up at Audrey magazine's website. You can also pick up the summer issue for my writeup of Steve in their “Personalities” section.

I had a blast at the show and can't wait to see it again!

Many thanks to Todd Porter, who shot the photos from the show (including this one), and my sister, Yukie, who shot the interview photos. A side note: Todd and Diane write a blog, White on Rice Couple, about their adventures in cooking, gardening, traveling, and photography. So check that out, too!

Why I've been making lists

There’s more to my life than my mom and two ex-boyfriends.

Those were the first essays I wrote. Now I'm at a loss for ideas, essay-wise.

I came across a statement: “Having ideas doesn’t make you a writer.” There have been so many times I’ve had ideas — especially while walking Papa — only to never put them to paper. "Ideas" can feel promising or intimidating, depending on the kind of mood I'm in.

What does it mean to say, “I have no idea”?

To avoid lingering too long at my pity party, I cracked open my Listography journal, a gift my friend Linda gave me. She always encourages me to write. I'm not exaggerating: I have a post-it from her on my fridge that says, "Keep traveling. Keep writing."

I started with the easy lists: cars I’ve owned (only two), places I’ve lived (many), favorite movies and games (surprisingly, not a long list).

As soon as I got stumped, I moved on. Bucket list, regrets, personality flaws — those I'll save for another time.

I recognize that the lists themselves are a form of procrastination. But as long as I keep the pen moving, I feel like I'm doing something tangible. If only the writing part of writing wasn't so hard.

Resolution 2010 and Yukie's visit

While Yukie was home, we made chocolate cake with mocha frosting, chocolate-covered peanut butter crackers, and chocolate mint cookies. I also ate fudge, truffles, peppermint bark, and all of the cookies Cathy gave us. Lots of chocolate.

Yukie and I rang in the New Year playing Scrabble, watching Community, and eating Brie. But we didn’t spend her entire visit in robes and cozy socks (here she is putting a pair on Papa).

While I was out, she fixed my unbalanced washing machine, rearranged my Tupperware cabinet, and ran a 5K. Impressive, yes?

So despite my chocolate hangover, I find myself starting 2010 with a lot of energy. Tomorrow I'll be playing tennis at the crack of dawn (or 7:30, for you morning people). And even though it’s cold, the days are getting imperceptibly longer. That’s reassuring when the temps are in the teens.

Life is all about how you look at things. In my attempt to think positively — and by this, I don't mean being cheerful, but seeing possibilities — I want to find ways to get my writing out.

One of last year's resolutions was about publication. Though I met it, I didn't have control over acceptances and that made me nuts. So this year, no declarations about my intended results — only about my effort. I've been thinking about how huge changes can happen with just a little extra effort. It works in tennis, so why not in writing?

Peter Vidmar wrote an article about how a little extra effort can bring results. About how a fraction separates the best from the rest. The premise seems simple until you realize that the best put forth that effort even when they don't want to.

My resolution: I’ll send out my freelance writing at least 12 times this year. Even if I send a rejected piece to a new prospect, I'll still be focused on writing and submitting more. This may mean finding time to squeeze in a few extra minutes of writing. Who knows how that extra few minutes will pay off?

I wish you an exciting year of changes — and of seeing the possibilities in things.

Steve Byrne

For my next story, I'll be chatting with Steve Byrne and going to the taping of his next Comedy Central special, "The Byrne Identity."

I've got my list of questions, but I'm also asking you: What would you want to know about him?

By the way, here's one of my favorite PG-rated bits — about being Asian, of course.

Asian American relationships article online at East West

"Show me the love", the article I wrote about Asian American couples, has just been published online at East West.

This story assignment came about after Anita, the editor, mentioned Lac Su's memoir, I Love Yous Are for White People. In Asian families, we don't say those three little words very often. So Anita and I wondered how that translated into romantic relationships.

I'd be curious to hear what you think. Could you relate to these couples? Or, did these experiences seem different from your own?

Feature story: Show me the love

I love talking about relationships. If you and I have ever talked about your relationship, I've probably asked you how you met, how long you've been together, what makes your relationship tick, what ticks you off.

So I jumped at the chance to write an article about how Asian Americans say "I love you" in their romantic relationships.

I interviewed two couples in Milwaukee: Seng and Andrew (photographed with their son, Zach) and Young and Suzelle (with their daughter, Grace). Bill Zuback shot the beautiful portraits. Thanks, Bill!

And I visited L.A. in July so I could meet Lydia and Rohan (and their dogs, Ichabod and Lola) and Diane and Todd. My sister, Yukie Fujimoto, came with me to shoot photos. Thanks, Yukie!

The couples shared their stories — and there was so much more than I could fit on the page.

I think love is in the details, in the tiniest acts in everyday life. Like Seng's memory of her mom holding her hand at the dentist.

The way Todd touched Diane to fix her lipstick.

Listening to Young and Suzelle talk about their favorite fairy tales.

And in a story about a big moment: Rohan's description of his proposal at Staples Center — not on the Jumbotron, which was the plan — but near the downstairs elevator. (And Lydia's response: "What?" Over and over.)

I wanted to weave all of this great stuff — the personal details that make each story unique — into my article. It was a challenge to tell the story of each couple, maybe because there are so many different stories. And it felt like a responsibility, in a way that essay writing isn't.

Luckily, I had a lot of help along the way — especially from Allison, who had the guts to tell me that my first draft was awful, and Hal, who reassured me that my final draft wouldn't be.

But I digress.

Thank you for staying with me through this post and through the past months of writing and revision. If you'd like to read "Show me the love," you can buy a copy of East West magazine on the newsstand or order one online.

Los Angeles, July 2009

I've spent a few days in L.A. — a combination of work and play.

On Friday, Gloria and I had lunch. We've known each other for over ten years (I used to tutor, back when I lived here). Even though it's old school, we've kept in touch primarily through writing letters. I love getting those letters. Not only do I get updates about her family and friends, she also responds to stuff I've written. Letters lack the immediacy of a phone call (or even email), but there's something so deliberate and focused about them. And how often do you get a chance to really think about what you're saying to someone?

After lunch, Yukie and I met up with Diane and Todd on the terrace of their loft downtown. We had a great conversation (parts of which I'll use for my upcoming story for East West magazine). They have a gorgeous food and photography blog, White on Rice Couple. As you can tell from this photo, they laugh a lot.

(Sidebar: Yukie shot the L.A. interviews and Bill Zuback shot the Milwaukee interviews. Thank you to both of them for their time and the excellent photos.)

Friday night, on to the Cheesecake Factory. Yes, I realize there's one in Milwaukee. But Linda and I needed a place to meet that was between Sherman Oaks and Torrance, and this was easy to find. We sat outside (another pleasure of being in a climate with mild weather) and noshed on the ungodly large appetizer platter.

Saturday, after another interview and photos, Yukie and I went to Rupen and Rebecca's wedding. Rupen and Yukie dated a jillion years ago, and they've stayed friends. Here we are with Rupen's high school friend, Ellie. And here's Rupen and Rebecca making their entrance at the reception.

Yesterday I went to lunch with Jim, another Tosa East grad. He rejected a restaurant photo-op, saying it was too touristy. Um, instead we got this photo — his idea, by the way.

So today is my last day in town. I think it will be fairly mellow. A little shopping, a little dinner. All in all, a good trip. See you soon!

Essay: Language losses

Last summer I took a personal essay class online and was stumped about what to write for one of the assignments. My friend Katy, who I’ve known for more than 30 years, gave me a suggestion.

After all the cutting, shaping, and polishing, here it is: Language Losses is online at East West magazine.

One last note: I’m not sure how long East West's home page will stay the same, but look for the group photo of me, Mom, Grandma, and my aunts (Reiko and Yoshiko) there.

Essay: Romance in a can

Two years ago, in a class on food writing, I wrote an essay about eating canned ravioli on a date. I got a lot of encouragement from my classmates but knew the story needed work when my friend Tom said it was nice. (I think of “nice” as synonymous with “utterly forgettable.” In fact, Tom doesn’t even remember saying that.)

So I revised. A lot.

And I’m happy to say that "Romance in a can" has just been published in the summer issue of Alimentum.

Incidentally, the story is listed as fiction in the table of contents. The publisher said they read it as fiction, and “either way we love it.” So I'm oddly flattered by the mistake. If you get a chance to read the piece (you can order a copy here), I’d love to know what you think. It's a true story, folks.

Less TV, more writing

I’ve been thinking about two things: TV and writing.

I may have mentioned my pledge to give up TV. This isn’t just some attempt to outlast those who survived National TV-Turnoff Week (April 20–26). I gave it up in the hopes of gaining results in other areas of my life: namely, eating healthier and sleeping better.

What do I do instead of watching TV? I try to stay out of the house at night. I’ve been playing tennis, going out to dinner, and participating in a book club. (Fortunately, the reading and the discussion both require evening time.)

But the allure of TV is just too strong. And not just because Rick Fox was on The Game, as himself.

Two weeks ago, I watched only the last ten minutes of Brothers & Sisters. But Sunday, I watched the whole episode. It could be worse, you say? My real weakness is watching Greek on my computer. I’ve had to register and join viewing parties to do it, but I’ve made the sacrifice. Drinking tea and eating cookies, with Papa napping at my feet, what could be better?

Except, maybe, writing. I’m not the next James Poniewozik, so becoming an expert on TV doesn’t hold much of a future for me.

Instead, I’ve set a goal of writing every day this month. I was inspired by David Brooks’ editorial about the cultivation of genius: “The primary trait she possesses is not some mysterious genius. It’s the ability to develop a deliberate, strenuous and boring practice routine.” So I’m trying to start with a regular, if not strenuous, writing routine. Wish me luck on my 10,000 hours. There should be more time now that I’m caught up with Greek.

Thoughts on writing and solitude

I'm reading Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird and I've been thinking about one of her observations: that the real reward of writing is... writing.

As in, the process of writing. Not publication.

And yet I love the validation of publishing — the proof that my thoughts and words exist and at least one person believed they were worth noting. I suppose a stronger (or more self-actualized?) person could know they exist without the experience of publishing, but I like to be extra sure. The pressure to do good work, the rejection along the way, the thrill of acceptance, even the strange disappointment over saying goodbye to a story, all of it's part of a process that feels compelling to me.

Back to the writing...

I'm trying to write more. By simply writing more. ("Duh!" I hear you saying.) I'm still working on getting up early and writing stuff in my semiconscious state, before my editing tendencies kick in. Right now, though, I write in fits and starts, and my enthusiasm dictates whether I write. (I suppose that working in publishing also affects my energy level.) I'll spend hours at it one day, staying up till the wee hours of the morning, and then not write for weeks. There's a joke about how the amateur waits for inspiration and everyone else just goes to work. Well, I have an amateurish approach to writing. Must... just... work.

By the way, I wrote this post longhand while I had dinner by myself at Café Hollander. (Long story why I was alone, but don't worry, I wasn't stood up.) Dining alone is always an interesting social experiment. It wasn't busy there tonight, and I did feel uncomfortable sitting at the bar while the college couple and the 20-something waitstaff tried not to stare.

When I was in New York two years ago, I had dinner alone at a tiny Italian restaurant. The two women at the next table took pity on me and included me in their conversation. I didn't feel pity-worthy (or pathetic, or whatever the word is), but I was grateful for their kindness. It's funny how being alone is something people don't want to witness, as if it's a condition they have to alleviate.

But I digress. The good news: At least I'm writing.

PS: I know that dining alone doesn't really count as solitude. But "Thoughts on writing and dining alone" didn't have the same ring to it.

Essay: Almost 40-love

The months of drafts and rewrites were worth it: my first non-jewelry byline is in a sports magazine! "Almost 40-love" has just been published in the winter 2008 issue of Tennis View.

You can pick up a copy at Barnes & Noble or read it here to find out more.

Thanks for reading it, in whatever version — past or present — you saw.

A week of tennis

Tennis was on my mind last week. Often.

1. I heard that my essay will definitely run in the winter issue of Tennis View. Yay! This is my first non-jewelry byline, and I am really excited about it. I'll give you more details when the issue is out at the end of November.

2. I went to a party held for our summer tennis team. As you'd expect from any party, there was good food and good company. An unexpected bonus, too: each of us wrote (anonymously) what we thought the strongest part of each person's game was. This was an inspiring party activity — we got to express our appreciation for our teammates and we learned some surprising things about our game. Thanks especially to whoever complimented my "eye-of-the-tiger determination to win." Love that. Nice '80s flashback, too.

3. I played singles on Saturday. Sue is a fabulous player, and those long rallies and running around the court made for a nice nap afterward. I kid you not: two hours of tennis can really sap a person's energy.

This week won't have as much tennis, but it should be good anyway. Happy new week!

The good life

I'm having a great time in my personal essay class with Media Bistro — it's a talented group of people and I'm doing more writing than ever. Wish you were here!

This week's assignment: "In 750 to 850 words, write about an event that taught you something about the world." The world is a big place; I could spend a week just choosing a topic.

But thanks to a suggestion from Katy over a peach-pomegranate mojito at Good Life, I've decided to write about getting separated from my mom at Narita Airport in Japan. "I'm 34 and I can't find my mom" — isn't that brilliant?

Well, it could be after a few revisions.

The assignment was due yesterday and I'm not quite done with the first draft. This is why I've been absent from my blog — I'm doing a lot of writing and critiquing and rewriting. That, and I've been staying up late watching the Olympics. So once I get out of Asia, I'll be here more often. Talk to you soon!

Hooked on beginnings

This past week, I’ve been busy — not with any one thing, but with lots of little stuff that adds up. On my list: I’m hoping to submit an essay for publication, but the writing and editing are just plodding along. The beginning of my essay needs to be better. Catchier. So, I just got a copy of Hooked: Write Fiction That Grabs Readers at Page One and Never Lets Them Go.

I don’t write fiction (truth and reality are more compelling to me), but I'm hoping that fiction techniques can help me write a more interesting essay. This book focuses only on the first few pages of a story. I could use help with that; beginnings are especially challenging for me. I prefer endings: the neatly (or not neatly) tying things up, leaving the reader with a last thought. Beginnings are too much pressure, and I've never been good at sales.

Maybe it is no surprise that I can write about breakups but can't always remember how a relationship started?